죽지 않는 잠재력을 지닌 조선 근현대사가 다시 들썩이고 있다.
소현세자가 죽지 않았더라면...
정조가 급사하지 않았더라면...
대충 이런 가정법으로 출발해서...우리의 역사는 한 200년쯤 일찍 진보되었으리라는 판타지에 은연중 젖게한다.
뻔히 바보같은 생각이란 걸 알면서도 우린 단지 기회를 놓쳤을 뿐이라는 위안이라도 삼아야 소위 꿀림 없는 역사의식을 갖거나 현실비판의 무기가 되어주니 별 수 없다.

뭐 굳이 역사물까지 갈 필요있나...일상에 널부러진게 그런 아쉬움들이며...그러다가 누군가 그런말은 해봐야 아무 소용 없다라고 환기를 시키고서는 끝나곤 한다.

과거에 대한 모든 종류의 집착은 현재에 대한 강박이다.
그 때 다른 판단과 선택을 했더라면 현재가 지금보단 나아졌지 않았을까하는 응어리
이건 거의 정신적 외상 수준이다.
이 고통에서 벗어나고자 현자와 종교를 찾고 자신을 다스려보지만 결국 떨어지는 답은
'집착의 손아귀를 풀어라'

글쎄 말은 쉽지만 꽉 움켜쥔 손아귀에 적응된 근육이 오히려 뇌를 역제어하는 듯한 중독성 마저 느껴질 판이니 그게 어디 쉬운일인가

사용자 삽입 이미지

적어도 후회는 불가능하니 맘편해

그렇다면...근본적인 문제는
가능성 반반의 혹은 예측 불가능한 선택의 기로가 원흉이라는 얘기이고
그런 선택이 좋게 끝나면 다행이지만 그렇지 않기라도 하면 영원한 후회의 고통을 헤매여야 한다는 거다.

예측 불가능하거나 판단이 잘 서지 않는 선택의 스트레스는 정신건강에 무척이나 해롭다는 결론...
과연 그것을 피할 길이란...운명론인가

그래 보이는 상황이 그렇게 되거나 그럴만한 일이 그렇게 되면 차라리 괴롭진 않다.
어차피 그리 되도 본전이란 말이지...그래서 인간은 운명을 파헤치고 
운명의 지혜를 갈구하는 지도...

운명이라는 게 존재한다기보다
과거나 현재나 모든 선택의 여지와 판단미스를 한 큐에 날려버려서 정신적인 안정을 찾고 싶은 바램의 상태와 믿음이...운명이 아닐까 싶다.
팔잔데 어쩔꺼야
운명론은 그래서, 어쨌거나 정신을 건강하게 하기도 한다.
그렇다면 점집을 찾는 이유는 미래를 알고 싶다기보다는 다른 가능성들을 무의미하게 만드는 역할이라고도 할 수 있다.

그러고 보니
운명론적 스토리가 그래서 훨씬 대중적 어필을 하는구나


트랙백 121, 댓글이 없습니다.

트랙백 주소 :: http://www.ozinger.info/trackback/68

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